I showed him my bush... on skype.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize