I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
