He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
