Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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