This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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