your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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