Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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