I wannas sexs uuuuu
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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