so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
