a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
