well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
