We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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