HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Boobs speak an international language.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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