i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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