i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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