My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
