Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
