I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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