i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
