I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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