My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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