just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
