did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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