Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
