you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
