My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
