It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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