there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
