You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
