Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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