woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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