CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
