I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
