Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just puked most of my soul out..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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