he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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