Cold hands, warm shart.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
