I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
