They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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