I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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