My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
