my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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