he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
