No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
