I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are we still banned from the library?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
