Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
