I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
