I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
