I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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