I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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