i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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