Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
