Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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