Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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