he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
high people should be assigned attendants
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
