Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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