I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
