Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
