you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
