I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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