I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
what day is it and did you see me today?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
