I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
