Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
