Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
