All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
