we have officially lost it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
