I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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