3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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