Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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