we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
