take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
