Walk of Shame. In a state park.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
