How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
