I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
