Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
